March (?) 1959
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
I recounted my dream of the titan to X and told him that this titan in the plane crash was not, or seemingly not, dead. He immediately replied, “Yes, tomorrow he will be killed.” It is the last day of his Puja.
I told X not to worry about the whole list of names, that you know them already, but that you had been intrigued by this reduced number of 7 people. He told me, “They are the heads of departments.”
X (I forgot to tell you at the beginning of the letter) links the crashing of the titan to the fact that the globe of light has come back into your hands.
Sweet Mother, you have already reassured me several times on the subject, but this thought frequently recurs and DISTURBS me, as if there were something not right about the fact that you are here, you, Mother, with all that you mean to me, and the fact that I call X “guru” and prostrate myself at his feet. It is delicate to speak of, because I really feel that X is the guru of a certain thing in me, and I prostrate myself at his feet very spontaneously because I feel that there is something of you in him. And yet it disturbs me, as though I were deceiving you or removing an absolute in my relationship with you. You know, like someone who plays a “double game” – those voices are disgusting. Something keeps repeating, “There should be no one but Mother.” Ah, I don't know how to explain this to you, but it worries me! So, Sweet Mother, enlighten me or reassure me, or deliver me from what is not right.
I am your child.