May 21, 1960
What I call purity, the true purity, is not all those things morality teaches: it is non-ego.
There must be nothing but Him.
Him, not only because we have given Him everything and consecrated ourselves totally to Him (that is not enough), but Him because He has taken total possession of the human instrument.
At times, I feel that I'll never get over the difficulty. We are besieged by this enormous world of hostile forces – oceans of forces, churning and combining and submerging each other in gigantic pralayas,1 then again regrouping and combining. When you see that, it feels as if you had to be the Divine Himself to get over the difficulty. Precisely so! (And it's the hostile forces who help you to see this, it's their role.) You have TO BE THE DIVINE, that is the solution, that is the true divine purity.
When X is here, I get the impression that things are going backwards instead of forwards. But once he's left, I suddenly leap ahead. And then I perceive that the progress is a real progress, that things won have really been won and they don't come undone again. That is X's true power, a very material power. For I often feel that things could come into being, they could be realized in the consciousness above (and the vision is there, the Power is there, I have it – the invisible power over the earth). But when you come down to the material plane, everything is uncertain. Whereas with X, once things have come down, they no longer dissipate. This is certainly why the Supreme put him on my path.
For example, there was one difficulty he helped me resolve. I have always been literally pestered, constantly, night and day, by all kinds of thoughts coming from people – all kinds of calls, questions, formations2 that have naturally to be answered. For I have trained myself to be conscious of everything, always. But it disturbed me in the work, particularly when I needed absolute concentration – and I could never cut myself off from people or cut myself off from the world. I had to answer all these calls and these questions, I had to send the necessary force, the necessary light, the healing power, I constantly had to purify all these formations, these thoughts, these wills, these false movements that were falling on me.
What was needed was to effect a shift, a sort of transference upwards, a lifting up of all these things that come to me – so that each one, each thing, each circumstance could directly and automatically receive the force from above, the light, the response from above, and I would be a mere intermediary and a channel of the Light and the Force.
Well, I tried hard but I couldn't really find the way. At times, I almost seemed to have it, a mere nothing would have been enough; it was just a matter of getting the knack (and at heart, this is what Power is all about – to get the knack, to suddenly seize upon the means, the right vibration, what in India is called siddhi). Well, after his departure, all of a sudden it came. It happened while I was doing my japa, while I was walking up and down my room... As if I were holding all that in my arms – it was so concrete – and lifting it up towards the Light, along with this ascending OM, rising from the very depths, OM! – and I was carrying all these people, and it was spreading forth, PHYSICALLY spreading, and I was carrying the earth, I was carrying the whole universe, but in such a tangible, concrete way – all towards the Supreme Lord.
And this was not the invisible power: it was concrete, it was tangible, it was MATERIAL.
1 Pralaya: apocalypse, end of a world.
2 Formations, in occult language, refer to all the psychological movements and impulses, conscious or unconscious, constantly emanating from the disciples and others, and which leave an imprint in the subtle atmosphere or a wandering entity seeking to fulfill itself.