October 2, 1961
1 was holding one of these flowers [Integral Generosity1 ] in my hand when I saw Z, and I explained to him what I meant by “integral generosity.” The effect of the ego, I told him, is to shrivel the being. It's the cause of aging, it dries you up – the being shrivels under it like a withering flower. And as I was speaking to him, the experience came; all I remember now is the idea, but the idea is nothing – the experience itself was there.
I know that at a certain moment I was making the distinction between the two states, between the person – the individual, personal being – turning towards the Lord, imploring Him to reveal His Will, and then this experience of becoming – by extending oneself, by opening, by enlarging, by merging into the creation – of BECOMING the Will of the Lord, the Supreme's Will. No longer any need to implore Him, to “know” His Will and receive it like something foreign to you – you become that Will.
The experience was there at that moment, and it was eloquent enough.
And I was giving him the example of BEING the thing you manipulate and so – since you ARE the thing – having not only the joy of perfect knowledge of manipulation, but the joy of collaboration as well (not collaboration: rather a participation from the thing being utilized). And this from the smallest thing (objects you put in order, for example) right up to the universal transformation that comes with the new Creation – and it's all the same movement of abolishing limits, the movement of expansion, of a generosity that abolishes limits. It begins with self-giving, it ends in identification.
I am investigating the consequences of an experience that was truly very interesting. It was one of those concrete experiences of something already “known,” something one has the knowledge of... but what is knowledge! It's only a VERY SMALL part of it. When one is the experience of the thing, then it becomes interesting.... I am in search of exactly what constitutes the Falsehood of the world.
The story began with an entirely concrete and material incident very amusing; this is not the first time it has happened, but it was so concrete and so precise that it became interesting. Someone was complaining of being ill, quite a serious, psychological illness: periodic possession by a spirit of falsehood, recurring regularly every month, of more or less long duration. This person comes to see me, and the moment she's here there's an upwelling of that profound Compassion of Love, with a considerable, concentrated Power to drive away the possession; and all of this accompanied, even outwardly, by quite an affectionate gesture. This person leaves and within half an hour I receive a letter: “Now I know: you hate me, you want me to be ill and you want me to die because I disgust you.”
It was interesting because it was so concrete. I was conscious of my movement of compassion and love and of what it had become in the other person's consciousness!
It's very easy to explain: she was already more than half possessed, and of course this spirit of falsehood hardly felt comfortable! And the identification2 (not only mental but sensory, vital) was so complete that she felt this love as a movement of hatred. When I saw the two phenomena, I also saw that this is exactly what happens in the world! It's exactly what EVERYONE is.
I must add that the experience came after I had been concentrating for three days (concentrating almost constantly) on finding an explanation for this: why has it become this way? It is impossible to find the “why” because it's the reason asking and this goes beyond reason – but what is the MECHANISM? Finding the mechanism would already be something – to have the experience of the mechanism. And then came this CONCRETE superposition of the vibration of Love and the reception of hate. “But this is exactly what happens!” I said. “The Lord is All-Love, All-Truth, All-Bliss, All-Delight – He is CONSTANTLY like that – and the world, especially the human world, constantly receives him in the other way.” And the two things are superposed (Mother covers her left hand with her right).
Words don't convey anything; it was the experience. I made... contact. It was very interesting. It lasted a long time, some two or three days. Since it was also linked to a state of health – a headache that had to be cured – it bore its consequences: a crystal clear explanation of illness came.... But I must again add something that preceded this.
This concentration on finding the mechanism sprang from the fact that there were disorders in the body which were vanishing and then reappearing – permanent cure seemed impossible. So I told myself, “Somewhere, probably in the subconscient, something must be justifying their presence.” Then, after concentrating and searching and concentrating some more, suddenly a memory rose up from the subconscient (a memory which is a kind of continued existence under a certain form), the memory of a particular set of movements and actions (not physical movements, but attitudes) that go back many years and had never attracted my attention. None of it had ever been included in the general clearing-out because, like so many other things, it all seemed to be due to normal, ongoing circumstances. But that's just where I saw (what to call it?) the hue, the taint of Falsehood. It's very subtle. These are very subtle things. But suddenly, oh!... It caught hold of me and created a revolution in the whole being. All those vibrations were cast up and transformed – an extraordinary thing. It stirred up much more commotion and revolution than I had ever expected. And... ah!... A relief. Something was clarified, bringing a brilliant, new comprehension, and then quite interesting physical results. Before this, I was really feeling rather poorly, extremely tired, with the impression of a decline into decrepitude – relatively speaking! (It was in a very superficial part of the being, but it was enough to be disagreeable.) And all of it – pfft! Gone in a single stroke.
And that very day, I had this experience with the possessed person – it all came together. And then afterwards, a sort of mastery over the problem and the impression of a breakthrough – an opening up of the WAY to change, which is this enlargement. First, the movement of generosity (not that shriveling movement, but its exact opposite – the movement of expansion), and from there you go on to universality, and from universality to Totality.
It makes a whole set of interesting experiences.
Then there is a doctor, V., who comes here twice a year to give a check-up to all who take part in the physical education program and all the children. He is an extremely honest and sincere man who believes in the mission of medical science. Each time he comes, I write something in his diary on the day of his departure (his whole diary is full of things I've written – they usually appear in the Bulletin or somewhere). On that very same day I learned that V. was leaving, and it suddenly came to me – so clearly! Falsehood in the body – that sort of juxtaposition of contraries, the inversion of the Vibration (only it doesn't really invert – it's a curious phenomenon: the vibration remains what it is but it's received inverted) – this falsehood in the body is a falsehood in the CONSCIOUSNESS. The falsity of the consciousness naturally has material consequences... and that's what illness is! I immediately made an experiment on my body to see if this held, if it actually works that way. And I realized that it's true! When you are open and in contact with the Divine, the Vibration gives you strength, energy; and if you are quiet enough, it fills you with great joy – and all of this in the cells of the body. You fall back into the ordinary consciousness and straight-away, without anything changing, the SAME thing, the SAME vibration coming from the SAME source turns into a pain, a malaise, a feeling of uncertainty, instability and decrepitude. To be sure of this, I repeated the experiment three or four times, and it was absolutely automatic, like the operation of a chemical formula: same conditions, same results.
This interested me greatly.
And then, from a purely external and practical standpoint, I said, “Illnesses are the falsehoods of the body” (there is no question of lie here, it is a matter of falsehood; in French we have only the one word “mensonge”) “and each doctor...” (here, of course, one would have to insert a little qualification: each sincere, honest doctor who truly wants to cure), “... each true doctor is a soldier in the great army of those who fight for Truth.”3
That was the sentence I wrote for my doctor. And that's the story of these last two days.
(Towards the end of the conversation, Satprem once again complains of his difficulties in writing his book. Mother proposes that he try to unblock the way by reading his manuscript to her.)
You know, it [Mother's consciousness] is an immobile mirror that projects things from below upwards and receives things from above to transmit them below. This mirror is two-surfaced, and absolutely immobile, not adding any vibration to what is received or transmitted: a perfect neutrality. In this mirror, therefore, you would be able to see your book a little more impersonally, outside yourself and your own creative power.
(Satprem makes a face; he feels shy about reading his text aloud)
Yes, you can find out if it's consistent with your state of consciousness and your manner of working!
If you give it to me to read when it's all finished, as you did with the other one [L'Orpailleur], that's how it will be received; it won't pass through the mind at all. It will be reflected in the mirror and from the mirror it will go above. That's the way I saw the other book, and I was shown many things about you I hadn't known. So you can do it either way; I mean you can use the mirror before finishing the book – not for what I may think of it, because that has no importance at all, but for the effect it might have on your work. It's up to you.
It's not quite ready. I still have a lot to correct.
Correct?... Many doors are open, and through these open doors things immeasurable for you can act through what you have written, bringing infinitely more to the reading than you think you have put there. People will be brought into contact with the thing, and each one, according to his receptivity, will catch hold of something. And this is very important – it must not be touched.4
I don't mind reading it, but it will take up your time....
No, no! As soon as I listen, everything is silenced, it all keeps quiet. I really become an immobile mirror.
But some people I don't hear at all! I see lips moving, but there is nothing, nothing, not even an ordinary thought! When people are capable of a little clear-thinking, I hear everything. But with others, it's like oo-oo-oo.... Just recently there was something really comical! I no longer know who it was, but someone came to see me and when he began to talk... I understood nothing! All I heard was noise. What to do? ... This person was asking me questions (he came here for sadhana, mind you, not for external matters; it was a serious visit), and all that came out was oo-oo-oo-oo, nothing else. So I concentrated and put myself in contact with his soul, which was the only thing I could contact. It took some time. I kept silent, and finally so did he, since he saw that I was not replying. Then suddenly it came, so clearly, like drops of water falling from above: ready-made sentences. I began to tell him all sorts of things about what his soul wanted, what he had to do in the world.... It was a revelation! “Ah!” he said, “I have been waiting to hear this all my life!”
But it took some time, because first of all he had to stop talking, and then I had to concentrate.
And I never did find out what he said to me!
(As she is leaving, Mother asks for some papers left by Pavitra for her to examine: some proposals for school reforms.)
Give me that stuff.
I am their despair because I always tell them, “It doesn't make any difference! Do it like this or do it like that, it all comes down to the same thing.” They are indignant: “What do you mean it all comes to the same thing!” (Mother laughs wholeheartedly)
So there we are.
1 Impatiens balsamina.
2 Identification of the person in question with the spirit who had taken possession of her.
3 Here is the exact text of Mother's message: Truth is supreme harmony and supreme delight. All disorder, all suffering is falsehood. Thus it can be said that illnesses are the falsehoods of the body, and consequently doctors are soldiers of the great and noble army fighting in the world for the conquest of Truth.
4 It took Satprem fourteen years to lose the habit of correcting.