December 10, 1965
What do you have to say?... Tell me.
I am a bit troubled because I've got the news that my friend has committed suicide.
Tell me about it. Which friend?
A Gold Washer.
But you've had many friends in life, haven't you?
Had you kept in touch with him?
He was the person closest to me.
Did you see him last time when you went back to France?
Where was he?
Oh, around the world, in Africa lately, here and there.
And where does he write you from?
How old is he?
A bit younger than me.
What does he write? Do you have his letter? Give it to me.
He was a rebel.
He didn't find.
But he is a rebel in tamas, mon petit. Suicide and tamas go together – unconsciousness or stupidity.
(Mother looks at the letter) He doesn't sign his name, he writes, “Your brother, the gold washer.”
Is he an intellectual?
No, not much. He is a man of action.
(Mother again “looks” at the letter) Are you sure he has committed suicide?... I am not. Do you have his address? Can you find out?
Yes, I can.
(Silence) You are still very sensitive to others' formations.
He's a man whom I understand well, I lived with him. He wasn't at all an ordinary man who accepted life like most people who are comfortable in life.
No, but he was a “dramatizer.”
Not at all. He is a man of action and an ore prospector.
That's the appearance.
He is a very simple and rough type. He never used to exhibit anything, never used to say anything, and when he was sensitive to something, outwardly he would grow harder and harder. A very rough man, without aesthetic refinement. Just a man of action, who translated what he felt into acts.
No, he is intuitive. You didn't know it, but he was an intuitive type.
Yes, there was something in him.
When I said “dramatizer,” I didn't mean physically; you contradicted me, but I didn't mean physically, I meant vitally, and I know what I am talking about.
Vitally a dramatizer... Possibly.
He had a taste for freedom. That's rather rare.
Do you have the envelope? Is there a date-stamp?
Yes, December 6, from Paris.
What was he like? Short, tall? Fat, thin, dark?
Rather short, strong, stocky, with a crew cut.
Rather dark, I think.
His hair too?
Yes. A turned-up nose.
I blame myself for not having helped him.
Didn't you ever write to him?
Once in two or three years.
It would have made no difference. Only what must happen happens – that's an absolute rule.
Only what must happen happens. And it's unthinkable it might be otherwise. Therefore telling oneself, “I should have done this”... It would have been for your own satisfaction, but it would not have changed circumstances in any way.
And he isn't dead – he may have lost his body, that's possible, I don't know (for me that's a secondary question), but he isn't dead.1
But it's a pity when someone commits suicide.
Yes, it's a pity.
But he didn't know, it's just that. Those are people who don't know.
Yes, they don't know. But he is intuitive.
Of course! But the terrible thing is that there are people like that who DON'T KNOW. He was exactly like me, without, for instance, the knowledge of what's here. If I hadn't known you and India, I would have done like him, I would have committed suicide just like him.... But those people, it's not their fault!
But there's no “fault”! It's never anybody's “fault”! (Mother laughs) It's not the Lord's fault! The Lord has no faults!
Anyway, it's a pity that there wasn't...
For me, he isn't dead. I don't know; he may be physically alive, I don't know, but for me he isn't dead.
You mean he is sufficiently formed and exists on another plane?
Yes, he is conscious enough.
I asked you these details because since the 5th up till now I have been seeing in the Vital a number of people who had just left their bodies, and I wanted to know if he was one of them. I saw two in particular who were as you say, squat, a bit stout, with black hair and dark eyes. If I had a photograph, I would tell you if it's he or not: just like this I can't say. I have seen lots of them – but for me those people aren't dead!
They have remained conscious, and when one is conscious one isn't dead.
And if it's as I think, it's someone who came straight here – he came straight to you, so naturally I saw him.
No, I'm not saddened by his “death,” that's not it...
You are saddened by not having done what you think you should have done.
No... And also, there's the suffering it involves – the unnecessary suffering.
You're adding your own unnecessary suffering to all the others! – I don't see your logic.
That's the EXTRAORDINARY lesson Sri Aurobindo gave us, and that's how I took it. When he left, the first thing I said was, “Now everyone may die, it doesn't matter in the slightest.” And it was absolutely true, and since that day it has been absolutely true.
It absolutely does not matter.
And I now have with Sri Aurobindo an intimacy I didn't have when he lived in a physical body: he was busy on his side, I was busy on mine, we never used to speak to each other. We were very close, as close as can be, as one as can be, ON THE SAME PLANE AS WE ARE NOW. And now when I want to know something, when I want an answer to a question, I just have to do this (gesture of immobile silence) and I have the answer. Before, I might have been busy in one room and he in another, and I didn't even have the time or the possibility to ask him for the information.
Not that I approve of death! I fight it as much as I can, for me it's a falsehood – death and falsehood go together. But... it's an appearance.
When you accept the falsehood [of death], it makes you suffer. When you no longer accept, you smile. You smile, there is nothing else to do but smile.
It's not at all his death that affects me, but...
Well, mon petit, sit down a minute, stay still, call your friend and tell him, “Here. Here is what I wanted to tell you, here is what I should have taught you, here. Now learn it from me” (I mean, from you), “from my consciousness. Now I am putting you in the Light; now I am putting you in the Knowledge; now learn all that you are capable of learning,” and that's all. You will have done the best you could do.
It's because there is still in your external consciousness a doubt about the invisible reality; it's nothing but that, and when “that” which we can see and touch goes away, it's painful.
No, that's not the point....
But I am telling you: what has affected you is that there was in this letter a very strong vital formation (which was influencing him too), a sort of... (excuse my saying so, I don't want to harm your friendship or your memory), but it's a sort of drama he was putting on for himself – besides, all those who commit suicide are like that, WITHOUT ONE EXCEPTION. It's a drama that he was putting on for himself and living very powerfully in the vital, and the formation came on you along with the letter and that's what has troubled you. I know this, because my first reaction while reading the letter was a smile – the smile I wear in the face of the dramas of the vital. I am absolutely sure of it, you could swear to me that it's not so, it would make no difference. I am absolutely sure. He was the first... I might say “victim,” if you like, the first victim of the drama, but then it came on you, it pounced on you along with the letter. A drama in the vital. And it's a drama in the vital, all these things are dramas in the vital.... Listen, just these last few days – the days between the 5th and the 9th – I always relive the minutes I lived in 1950, and I always see them in the light of the knowledge I have acquired, and I SAW, I saw to what extent pain, sorrow, regret... especially that regret of not having done what one should have done, which is another absurdity because one NECESSARILY did what one had to do – one wasn't what one should have been and one must change, that's why one must change, but one did what one had to do because you cannot do anything but what the Lord makes you do, and He makes you do the thing which is at the same time the best possible for the whole and the best possible for your own progress. There. So all the regrets of “I should have... I shouldn't have...” are rubbish.
You understand, I am saying this with all the power of the knowledge lived in all the details. I KNOW this. And this is precisely the time of the year when I know it best, in the most living and concrete way, and the most powerful.
It's all right, he is a fine boy, he has substance, he'll be all right. If he did actually leave his body, we'll give him another one. There.
Yes, he was a fine boy.
Yes, he is a fine boy. Oh, I know him well, now. Now I know him. A fine boy. It's quite all right.
But he is here, vitally.
It's all right.
You just have to give him all the affection you had for him, exactly as if he were physically by your side. You give him your affection and do for him, like that, in the inner silence, what you would like to do if he were here physically – and it makes no difference, that's all. That's the point on which I insist, that illusion – that sticky illusion – which clings to our consciousness and says that this is the reality (Mother pinches the skin of her hands) – but this is the falsehood, this is the illusion, because it's not the correct expression of reality.
And rebels (they don't know, they're ignorant) revolt because things aren't as they should be, and instead of saying to themselves (because they don't have the knowledge), instead of saying to themselves, “Now I'll work for things to become as they want to be, as they should be,” they go off. They say, “No, I don't accept the world as it is.” That's very good. It's very good, you needn't accept it, nobody is asking you to accept it as it is, but if you have goodwill, help it to change.
Now he will understand.
Yes, that's the important point.
He will understand.
No, as long as the world isn't changed, death doesn't matter in the least, and when the world is changed, there will be no more death, that's all. Or else it will be death for plants, death for animals, death for man (man as man), and for them, it will be a quite natural state, there won't be anything to feel sorry about.
Death as it is understood, on the inner level, means the loss of consciousness.... That would be the most... the most dreadful and horrible thing, if it were possible. But it's not possible. If you have consciousness, it cannot be lost. Some things don't have consciousness yet, so little by little, little by little, they learn to have it; but the consciousness you have cannot be lost, that's not possible. All the deaths in the world cannot take it away from you, and that's why I smile – try, mon petit!
Consciousness is something eternal. Consciousness is divine, consciousness is eternal, and NOTHING can destroy it.
Appearances are another matter.
And it's only unconsciousness that's destroyed (meaning that there is an appearance of destruction), but not consciousness.
So then, all the drama – all the tragedy, all the horror, all the dread, all of it – is vital fabrication. Well, those who are God's warriors don't allow themselves to be affected by that. One smiles, “Yes, yes, you may put on a big show, we don't care; go ahead with the big show if you enjoy it.” As for us, we know it's only a show – an ugly show, if you like, it's not pretty, but it's just a show.
(Soon afterwards, about Dr. Sanyal, who has gone to Madras for a brain operation after an unsuccessful operation in America.)
The doctor is in Madras....
When are they going to operate?
I don't know. They'll telephone.
First they will see if it can be done. Because the American surgeon had said it would be fatal, so this one is taking his precautions, I suppose.
But the doctor says, “I'd rather try and die...” He didn't have sufficient faith to be cured without outward means, that's the pity – but who has sufficient faith?... I don't know. There are some .... there are some who have that marvelous grace. He didn't have it: the reason, the intelligence were infinitely too active for him to have it.
Yesterday evening, I gave him a little over twenty minutes of concentration. He was sitting and I was standing, holding his hands.... “Never pull down on yourself,” it is said, but you can pull down on someone else – I pulled the Force all out. It was so powerful that his hand kept trembling2 while mine was still! Afterwards, once it was over, I wondered how it could be, I didn't understand: my hand, which was holding his, stayed still, but his was shaking; I felt his tremor in my hand. Then I stopped, when, all of a sudden, everything came to a halt: he stopped moving. And relaxation came, a relaxation. I was concentrating there, on his head – relaxation. Then I stopped. Time was up, anyway. Therefore IT CAN BE DONE. But this lack of faith based on the higher intelligence, the higher reason, prevents it from staying: it brings back the difficulty instantly. But I saw – I saw it: it did stop. For me that was an obvious proof.
And I did it deliberately. It's true that it is dangerous to “pull down” because if the resistance is too great, something gets demolished, but there was nothing to risk anymore since he himself was ready to go to Madras to be sent to another world. I did it.
Truly, even materially and even in the present state of the world, nothing is impossible. All that is needed is the Lord's Sanction (sanction in the English sense of the word). And it was He who wanted it, it was He who willed it. I, who can't remain standing for more than ten minutes without my head whirling, stayed there half an hour MOTIONLESS: I didn't feel anything, I was quite beyond all “karmas”! It took half an hour for everything to come to a stop, and it was clearly a momentary effect, meaning that it could have lasted one hour, two hours, I don't know, but with the inner vibrations of his being (lack of faith and so on) it could only be momentary.
But it happened. And it wasn't through an imposition: it was through a relaxation, with the Force descending like a mass, brrf! Tremendous, mon petit!... Two or three times there was a loosening [in the doctor], then it resumed: it was as if driven out of the brain, and it came back into the brain; I drove it out and back it came. And the last time, there was a relaxation. Then I said, “Thank You, Lord, I thank You.”
Now I am sure.
We shall see. Maybe the operation will convince him that it can be done (if the Madras doctor too is convinced it can be done). It can obviously be done – everything is possible.
But those things are very interesting.... Because when he was in America, suddenly I saw he was going to get killed (after the first operation), and I said right away, “I don't want him to die there, it's stupid, it's a silly business, a defeat, I don't want it.” I sent him a talisman I had myself prepared (so that his human intelligence might have a little faith), then I worked on the other doctor, the American surgeon. And when Sanyal went and saw the surgeon for his operation, the surgeon told him, “No, between your first operation and this one, I've had a series of catastrophes, of fatal experiences with people who died; I don't want to do it because I feel I am going to cause you to die and I refuse.” Then Sanyal said, “I am willing to die,” and the other answered, “But I am not willing to kill you!” And Sanyal came back here. And when he came back, I told him, “Please excuse me, but that's my doing!”
Now we shall see. If the other doctor has trust and he too has trust, it's quite possible. But it's neither this doctor nor any other that will have done it: it's the Lord. Only He can do things. I told Sanyal when he came back from America, “It's only the Lord that can cure you, nobody.” Then he told me, “Oh, yes, but there are means of intervening.” I answered him, “Any means you like, it's all the same to me!”
Then Mother returns to the Gold Washer's suicide:
Petit, it's to help you take a step forward.
It's very good.
You know, the big difficulty is that importance and above all that sense of absolute reality we attach to physical life.
It's not physical life that's important: it's Life; it's not physical consciousness that's important: it's Consciousness. So when you are free, you can use... well, all the materiality you want. One should be able to pick and choose and leave the rest out... and make use of it as one wants; one should be the master of Matter, not Matter sitting on top of you and coercing you – what's that!
And that's the point, it's because one has in one's inner being the memory of a Freedom that one revolts against the slavery here (a disgusting slavery); only, one lacks the knowledge that consciousness alone can change everything. Throwing everything out of the window isn't the way to change things, that's all.
But it's over for your friend, I have taken him with me. It's all right.
1 He did die, as newspapers and a letter from his companion later confirmed.
2 The doctor has Parkinson's disease.