January 22, 1972
(Two days earlier, as Pranab was leaving Mother's room late, he had remarked to Sujata, “Usual trouble. Heart, giddiness.”)
The work is going on with increasing clarity. But it's difficult.... On its own, the physical is terribly pessimistic. It is steeped in atavistic habits of helplessness, contradiction, and also catastrophe – it is terribly pessimistic. What a work it is.... Only gradually, by constantly turning to the Divine, can it start to hope things will improve a little.
Can't eat, you know, not a morsel.... This physical world is terrible, terrible, terrible.
It's the mind and vital that make it bearable and permit us to go on, but once they're gone – awful!
Yesterday was detestable all day; this morning it started to get a little better... but then I don't know how things work out, I don't understand .... The body feels it has lost all control over time.1
(Mother plunges in)
(Then Mother proceeds to sort out some papers.)
There's a great need to file, to put things in order.... Perhaps it's simply the Force pressing down, that wants everything to be in order (I think that's what it is)... or else it may be that the body knows it is going to leave.
No, no! No, no, no – that is not possible!
(Laughing) No, of course not!
It does feel a process of transformation taking place. But sometimes it feels it's impossible – it's impossible, you simply can't go on existing like this – but then, just at the last minute, something comes, and then it's... it's a Harmony totally unknown to this physical world. A Harmony – the physical world seems appalling in comparison. But that doesn't last.
(Mother touches her chest, she is always short of breath when she speaks)
I am finding it more and more difficult to speak.
But my perceptions are clearer and clearer (Mother draws a sort of picture in front of her), clear, luminous. My perceptions are getting clearer and clearer, more and more luminous – vaster and vaster.
It's really like a new world that wants to manifest itself.
In silence, I am comfortable.
(Mother goes into contemplation. After a few moments, a blissful smile spreads over her face.)
1 Mother was more than half an hour late that day.