March 10, 1973
What do we do about the Bulletin, Mother... the “Notes on the Way”?
Do you have something?
Almost nothing, just two small pieces.
Go ahead, read them.
Is that all?...
Yes [laughter].... Obviously, you don't feel like talking anymore.
No. I can't talk, it doesn't come out clearly.
But that's not true! It does! It comes out very well.
If you have a question, we can try.
I don't know, whenever I try to come into contact with that Consciousness, I always sense a sort of luminous immensity, as you say....
But I feel it's stationary, you see; I am in it and could stay in it forever, but....
Exactly. That's my own sensation too.
But is it enough to let That permeate one? Isn't there anything else to be done?
Yes, I think so. I think it's the only thing to do. Personally I keep repeating, “What You will, what You will, what You will.... Let it be as You will, may I do as You will, may I be conscious of what You will.”
And also: “Without You, it's death; with You, it's life.” By “death,” I don't mean physical death – it might happen, it might be that if I lost the contact now, it would be the end – but that's impossible! I feel that... I AM THAT – With some resistances the present consciousness may still have, that's all.1
And when I see somebody... (Mother opens her hands as if she were offering that person to the Light), regardless of who it is: like this (same gesture).
It's funny, I constantly feel like a little baby curled up – curled up in... (what term to use?) an all-embracing divine Consciousness.
(Mother remains immobile)
And the slightest contradiction that enters the atmosphere causes me such discomfort, I feel I won't be able to stand it.
There, that's how it is.
Just now I had gone off like that, you see, but I suddenly felt uncomfortable and that pulled me back. It isn't expressed mentally, it is neither an idea nor even a sensation, it's... I don't know what it is. It is like a negation, a painful negation. Which really makes me feel an acute pain, and I am pulled back into this physical consciousness.
(Mother plunges in, then seems uncomfortable.
Champaklal comes and rings the bell)
1 This “if I lost the contact” and “that's impossible” leads us back again to the same perplexing question. And we recall Mother's words: “Only some violence could stop the transformation, otherwise it will go on and on and on....” (December 4, 1971, Agenda XII)